alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
