Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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