So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
