Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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