Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
