Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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