i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
