Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
