I wanna passion pit in your ass
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
