I think I died a long time ago.
i think my mom watched the whole time
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He passed out mid-signature
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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