this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
