I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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