His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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