good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
