I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
