Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
