Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
