Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
