the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He felt like a one man threesome
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
