There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
