i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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