i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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