If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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