it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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