I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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