My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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