I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize