Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
