You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
