So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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