32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
