he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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