Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
