Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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