I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
