I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
