Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
