she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
