does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
