Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
