dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
