He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
