She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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