There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
