hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
