just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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