So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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