C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
