I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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