But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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