9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
