He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize