I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
