he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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