i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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