Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize