I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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