i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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