please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
