i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
