Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Randomize
