Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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