hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Randomize
