it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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