we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
