...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
