i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
