Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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