Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to fling myself into the sun
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
