im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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