singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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