it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
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