The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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