What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
