false alarm. still invincible.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize