is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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