I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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