a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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